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I did not realize I was a perfectionist until a really great conversation I had with my friend (who happens to be my boss!) a couple weeks ago. She suggested to me that what I have assumed is debilitating insecurity I've dealt with my entire life is really more like perfectionism. I have been thinking about this off and on since. I guess I didn't translate perfectionism to my inner life because I always thought it tended to be something career-minded or really productive people struggle with, and I have never considered myself to be a very productive person. I was never in sports, I never developed real talent in any extra-curricular activities as I was growing up. I did get really good grades, but that came relatively easy to me. I never worked particularly hard at any job during my teen years because of extenuating factors that I may go into at some point. I didn't finish college. So I never have seen myself as particularly productive or contributory. Even now, after producing 7 healthy human beings that I have kept alive and growing and relatively happy all of these years, I still don't see myself as particularly productive. I'm just a mom, a very tired, worn down mom, trying to keep everybody alive, the laundry going, the house running, the budget balanced, the kids decently educated, and all of that day-in-and-day-out monotonous stuff. But the more I think about my friend's suggestion, the more I realize just how very right she is. I am a total perfectionist! And it affects me every day of my life, in so many ways, mostly mentally and spiritually. In fact, the two areas where my perfectionism is the most damaging to me are in my parenting and my spiritual life, because these are the two areas that are the most important to me and that take the most out of me. Those are the two areas where I am absolutely terrified to fail. This, in turn, affects my emotional state and my ability to handle tasks in daily life. So instead of perfectionism helping me accomplish things more perfectly, it keeps me debilitated and afraid, always down on myself, second guessing everything, crippled in many ways. I have no idea how to get over this or attempt to make strides away from all of this. And both of my parents are therapists! Oh, the irony.
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On a happier note, the fall colors around here have been glorious. We have a large Sugar Maple right in our front yard (!) that I have fallen in love with. Along with providing hours of climbing for my oldest climber child, it provides amazingly-gorgeous colors in the fall. If we ever leave this house (it's a rental and we move on average once a year, so I'm sure we will), I will be very sad to lose this tree.
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Jen's post about birth story haikus and then 6-word stories were just so inspiring that I had to give a haiku a try. I will try to combine the last 2 "takes" in this haiku. I will be writing up my kids' birth stories in haikus at some point! Jen is a genius.
Pretty sugar tree.
Perfection clothed in red leaves.
Thanks for all the fun.
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I love genetics, especially being able to study genetics up close by having so many children! It's funny and fascinating to see how each child resembles different family members in different ways, and yet they are each their own, unique person. It's amazing that each human is an original creation and that we also contain traces of all of those gone before us. I found this link on facebook this morning and thought it was so cool. This photographer combines pictures of family members into one face. Just in case this link is no longer good after awhile, the photographer's name is Ulric Collette. Cool name.
http://www.boredpanda.com/genetic-portraits-ulric-collette/
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Speaking of all of those gone before us, I happened to find out a couple months ago that I am a direct descendant of one of the Mayflower passengers! Not only that, but he was one of the 41 signers of the Mayflower Compact. His name was George Soule and I am related to him through my father's father's mother. :) I am trying to think of something extra special we can do this Thanksgiving to celebrate this new finding. Any suggestions?
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I love reading other people's 7 Quick Takes and often wish there were even more than 7, but when it comes time for me to come up with 7 things to write about, it's unbelievably difficult. I've been working on this on and off all morning.
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It's much easier to just post pictures, so here you go. A picture of a fly shaking hands with a moth.
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